The Ticket
by alicemorganss
Summary: She had finally moved on; she was out of his shadow and no longer his assistant. He didn't really know what she was doing these days. (prompt from livejournal: Suits Donna/Harvey "And if you don't think I miss you every day...")


She had finally moved on; she was out of his shadow and no longer his assistant. He didn't really know what she was doing these days. He heard rumours with basis from the grapevine- Louis was telling Rachel about that one time he saw her on Page Six, Jessica told Louis about that one time she saw her at Rock Center- but never put complete stock in their words. He looked at her desk every day, waiting for the flash of red to be back in the corner of his eye as he worked silently in his office but it never came. The scratched Miles Davis sometimes played in the background early in the morning or more often late at night, the skip in the vinyl tore a little more each time he played it. He had burned through as many office temps as he could, each one lasting a minute shorter than the last. Jessica often asked if he took pride in his record, he often responded with a shrug. No one could replace her but she wasn't going to come back; she said she needed to spread her wings and he was damned if he didn't let her go. Damned if he did; damned if he didn't.

Fortunately or maybe unfortunately, the flash of red appeared behind his temp of the day.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Hi," he said back. His voice low and quiet as if he didn't quite believe she was actually here. As he beckoned her in and waved her to a visitor's chair he took her in.

She had changed since the last time he had seen her. It was that day when they both passed each other in the little hotel in his hometown. They'd both been there at his father's grave apparently. He had walked up to her hotel room door, his fist poised to knock but too scared to complete the task. She had watched through the peep hole, wondering why half of her wanted him to knock while the other half wanted to scream at him to go away. She watched through the little view as he turned and walked away, back to his hotel room door across the way. Coming to the present again, he took in her more casual look. Her hair was longer, loose curls hung around her shoulders, half up in a simple hair tie. She had a pullover sweater on he had never seen before, khakis, and a pair of boat shoes. She looked like she belonged at the local prep school rather than the office in which she used to control with a simple command despite only being a secretary.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he brought them both out of their musings.

She played with her polish, a pale pink colour barely visible on her nails, before she looked up at him.

"I'm proud to say I've grown and accomplished all I wanted to accomplish," she stated.

"Donna," he began.

"Okay; fine. Jessica called me," she said before he could ask her again.

"Why?" he wondered.

"You've burned through all the temps in the city- probably the state and the surrounding areas at this point," Donna told him as she leaned back in her chair. She was still stiffer than she'd sit before, obviously still uncomfortable in his presence. That never used to happen.

"I don't need a temp," he said.

"No, you need an assistant; a deputy," Donna pointed out.

"I can't do this with you," he shook his head.

"I'm good at this," she told him. "I needed a break and I got it but Im ready to come back. I want back in. I want to be a team player again."

"He shook his head. There were so many reasons why she couldn't; most of the reasons why were his fault. He shouldn't have tied their fates so close together.

"You left," he said simply.

"Because I had to; because I wanted this and you didn't. I needed a clean break to get away and…" she said as she trailed off to a whisper. "I stayed away because I didn't think you wanted to see me after what we said to each other."

"I've got temps every day because you can never be replaced. I've got paralegals who can't research for shit, associates who can't file a motion without being coddled all the way to the judge's chambers, Jessica doesn't come to me for the inside source anymore, and if you don't think I miss you every day..." he trailed off and let the thought linger between them. He watched her look down and break eye contact, swallowing heavily and her breath hitched a little. He was about to tell her he'd make a couple of calls- he owed her that much at least- but she started to rise and held a hand up to stop any further protest.

"Don't," she whispered. The crack seemed to slip and she put on that smile she reserved for his clients that she didn't like dealing with. He'd never thought he'd be at the end of that smile but he deserved it today. She nodded once and stood straighter than before, gathering her bag and walking out his door, making sure to shut it behind her.

He still couldn't fight for her despite missing her every single day she's been gone because he's still not sure what she saw in him to stay for the thirteen years she put up with him. He doesn't know if they're strictly platonic still; doesn't know if the job offer was just the job or if they could extend back to friends again. But he's got one track looping in his mind: he's still not worthy of her. Maybe one day. But not today.


End file.
